I have smart friends.

A really great friend gave me wise advice, as she often seems to do. I was upset because I couldn't figure out how to come to a conclusion about myself. I wanted something from someone to help tie it all together. Well, she said something along the lines of "I think you're going to have to work on that yourself." Funny enough, I had never thought of that. Somewhere along the way, I've become rather codependent. Crap. Now I ruled myself out of the whole "throw your hands up at me" part of "Independent Women Part 1." (I still got the whole "Now, put your hands up!" gesture in "Single Ladies," but that's not really much of a consolation.) [Yeah, for the record, I don't exclude myself from the lady/female category when Beyoncé is concerned. Get off my dick.]

Anyway, I had put so much time and energy into working it out WITH someone rather than really figuring it out on my own. ("And I know it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself and not to him..." Fuck. You. Les. Mis.) At first, I was angry because I didn't want to do it alone. But now I've realized that it's better this way. If I've got it on my own, I can bring someone else in much easier. In many ways, I'm trying to work on things for the future rather than just resolve this past.

In short, thank you, Friend. I needed this help. Even if I don't always seem too gracious, I appreciate it. Without you, I don't know how I would've gotten through this year. Thank you, thank you, thank you.