Girl, you gotta use what mommy and daddy gave you but you can't rely on the Lord's gifts...

I might've said this already, but one my of favorite Edith Piaf songs is "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien."  I wish that that could truly encompass my life.  Unfortunately, I have some regrets.  Most of which are things I cannot change, even if I tried.  For instance, I wish I could sing well.  Desperately.  I sing a lot (in the shower, in the car, while drunk, etc.) and I love it.  But I'm awful.  Like Bai Ling has a better chance of getting a record deal than me.  But, to my credit, I don't wear band-aids as a shirt.  I like to think my class stands  in the way of me getting a pop-deal.  What?  I just took a facebook quiz that said my sexiness is poised and classy.  If a facebook quiz doesn't know the true me, who does?  

I think the best I could do is a drag act.  Besides the fact that I can probably safely wear six-inch heels and a 10-pound wig without much trouble, the real reason I feel this way is that I have a strange voice.  A little feminine, a bit nasal, low, quiet.  Obviously tons of fun.  I can make it raspy and sound like a drunk, 70-year-old potentially Jewish woman, but how far will that take me in life?  (Boca?)  But who really wants to do a drag act?  If I wanted to wear a skirt and get paid for it, I would go take some hormones.  I mean, I could probably land a spot on the Tyra show.  Which wouldn't be half-bad...I'd love to see that nut-case try to relate her life to being a transsexual.  (She must've already since she had that tranny on ANTM.)  Still, can't you just hear her?  "Girl, everyone always told me that I was too fierce.  It wasn't normal.  But I knew that my inner fierceness just had to be let out.  Just like your femaleness, I wanted to show the world that I'm a fierce woman with a great badonkadonk.  Sometimes you got to use more than what your mommy and daddy gave you."  I think that's too sane for Tyra, but I digress.

Other regrets have to do with my boring self-esteem fluctuations, but the one that remains despite my mood is always the singing.  If only I had been more a virtuoso instead of a gorgeous, intelligent, thin, good writer.